Of Mourning and Melvins

It is with great sadness that I have to report that Ed’s father, Edward A. Moretti, passed away on Monday, June 25. He had been battling cancer for over two years — this year it moved into his brain, sealing his fate. He died at home in his own bed surrounded by his family.

Eddie was a kind, generous, gentle man who was always quick with a joke or a bit of advice. In many ways, Eddie was the rock and the compass of the family, quietly supporting and guiding everyone. He was always very loving to me and I adore him like my own father. He loved his family and had the hugest heart in the world. I am very grateful that his son, my Ed, is blessed with his kindness, vast capacity for love, generosity, and, dare I say, good looks. Dad Moretti will be horribly missed.

The very next day on Tuesday, June 26, I had a full hysterectomy to take out my fibroid, Melvin, and his little brother (seen in the photo above). As you recall from previous posts, Melvin was wreaking havoc on my bladder, causing urinary retention and daily catheterization. Well, it turns out the fibroid was also putting pressure on my spine and nerves, causing lower back pain that I contributed to my weight gain. How wrong I was! My doctor urged that I get a full hysterectomy immediately.  He was concerned that I had permanent damage to my bladder, urethra, and spine, and waiting for the operation would only make matters worse.

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So first thing on Tuesday morning I had my surgery — he took my cervix, uterus, and tubes, leaving my ovaries so that I wouldn’t go into menopause. According to my doctor, I had one of the most twisted uteruses he’s ever seen. Not only was it tilted, but it was so lodged into my pelvic floor that he needed to literally “shoe horn” it out of me.

I can’t tell you much about the day of the surgery except that I was terrified. I remember all the prep and seeing the OR. I remember how incredibly nice, understanding, and caring everyone was. I remember cracking jokes in Post-Op. I also remember my doctor showing us a photo of my uterus and noting that it looked like a big rump roast. I slept the entire day. The nurses were trying to get me to move but I refused, stating that it’s been over a decade since I had absolutely nothing to do but sleep and you damn well know that’s all I’m going to do! HA! So that’s what I did: slept. I ate some broth and jello, drank lots of water, and slept … and slept … and slept.

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Ed bought me Pusheen to cuddle with.

I was told that my stay would be 2-3 days and that I would most likely be released on Thursday. I was determined to go home on Wednesday; after all, Eddie’s wake was on Thursday and I didn’t want to interfere with it. My doctor said he only ever had two patients who went home the next day after a full abdominal. I was determined to be his third. All I had to do was pee on my own and fart, my blood work had to be perfect, and I had to walk and walk and walk around the ward. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! Lo and behold, I was released at 6:00 PM! I was going to be able to recover in the comfort of my own home surrounded by my loved ones and the things I adore.

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My healing nest

Alas, what I couldn’t do was go to Eddie’s wake or funeral. My doctor banned any travel for at least a week and Ed forbade me to leave the house. Needless to say, I could hardly move and the pain was pretty horrible. There was no way I would be able to get back into the car, sit in a funeral parlor for hours, and try to pee in a public toilet. Crying, laughing, sneezing, or couching caused some serious pain. sigh … I missed it all.

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Me after my first shower, Friday.

So, how am I after a week? Pretty good. I’m moving a whole lot better, though I do get stuck if I’m sleeping on my back or if I don’t sit right on a hard chair. I’ve been eating normally, drinking lots of water, taking Advil for my pain, and my urination and BM has been regular and normal. It seems as though no permanent damage was done, thank Goddess! I can’t believe my back and hips are without pain! I’m walking around the apartment and doing little things by myself. Ed helped me cook dinner last night and I’m attempting to shower today without his help — wish me luck. It doesn’t take much for me to get winded or tired, so I’ve been napping a lot. I’m still trapped at home and going stir crazy. I literally can’t pick up a book heavier than a paperback. And I still haven’t attempted to ease back into work. Despite this, I’m on the mend.

As for Ed, well … he’s mourning in his own Ed way. He’s very private about it all and I’ll leave it at that. He’s ok. Me, I’m going to miss Eddie terribly. He was so very kind! It doesn’t help that this is the time of year that my Mom went into the hospital to never see her home again. I’m already raw with memories and mourning. Eddie’s death just adds to it all. sigh … all we can do is persevere.

  14 comments for “Of Mourning and Melvins

  1. L.
    3 Jul 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Thinking of you both! And thanks so much for the update after your surgery – gives me hope to be brave like you!

    Like

  2. 3 Jul 2018 at 3:28 pm

    What a hard time period for you and your family. I’m sorry for your loss, and sorry you had such a hard surgery. That is an astoundingly full uterus in the photo–wow.

    You look a lot LOT better and happier in the after photo, so that is great. Best wishes to Ed and you both.

    Like

    • 5 Jul 2018 at 11:17 am

      Thank you! Yes, Melvin was a complete asshole. Simple things, like being able to urinate in the morning, makes all the pain worth it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 5 Jul 2018 at 2:47 pm

        Understood. I had endometriosis for decades and it sucked, but I didn’t want kids anyhow and it eventually went away, despite one episode of very bad surgery that made it worse for decades–oh well. Basic things like elimination are really great and we don’t always appreciate them so much until they have problems. Enjoy!

        Like

  3. 3 Jul 2018 at 5:25 pm

    Glad that your surgery went so well! Take it easy for the next 6 weeks or so while you heal completely though. My condolences on the death of Ed’s father.

    Like

  4. Lainey
    3 Jul 2018 at 6:26 pm

    My condolences to you and Ed, I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are healing up nicely, that is great. Give yourself time though, 4-6 weeks minimum-pushing yourself a little is usually fine but if you feel any unusual pain, call your Dr immediately. Take care of yourselves, and good feelings ahead.

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    • 5 Jul 2018 at 11:19 am

      Thank you! I’m ok. The Doc was very happy to see that this old swimmer has some stellar core muscles. It’s been making the healing process so much better. I won’t say easier, but I will say not as difficult as it would normally be.

      I won’t be in Manhattan and the NYPL until August 1. Until then I’m here working from home starting tomorrow. I’m going to go stir crazy if I don’t do something productive!

      Like

  5. Lux
    4 Jul 2018 at 10:50 am

    it’s been 2 roughs things to go through for you at the same time. Sorry for your loss, both you and Ed, I know how it can feel sad and empty after the death of a nice person but you seem to hold on to each other. I am lucky enough “my” Dead come visit me in my dreams so we kind of keep in touch. Take care xx

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  6. 6 Jul 2018 at 3:55 pm

    Big hugs to you and Ed. And a very happy goodbye to Melvin, who will not be missed at all! Abdominal surgery is no joke (I’ve had 2 c-sections, one a big nasty emergency) so I’m glad you’re taking it easy. I swear this is the summer of crazy illness events, as I’m getting over pneumonia and now my mom is in the hospital with C. diff! So I feel you on the lack of productivity and stir craziness. You look great after your shower though 🙂

    Like

    • 10 Jul 2018 at 10:08 am

      Thank you! Yeah, it’s been a weird, woolly summer … that’s for sure. Here’s hoping that it’s making way for a nice, quiet, pleasant fall and winter.

      How Mom? How are you feeling?

      Like

      • 11 Jul 2018 at 12:28 pm

        Mom is now in skilled nursing, and we’re planning for her to come live with us once she’s mobile. Speaking of wooly! We’re in the process of shifting around a couple rooms in our house to figure that out. Plus packing and cleaning her house…. Oy gevalt. I’m trying not to stress too much! Especially as I’m in the middle of a class on teaching online, and I’ve essentially abandoned it for the last 3 weeks. Ugh.

        Like

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