Hello everyone! Hello! First and foremost, I have to apologize that this Grand Finale is two days late. I came down with a major creeping crud that completely knocked me out of commission. I spent part of Saturday and all of Sunday in bed with a fever, a horrible rattling cough, and weakness in the limbs. I never get this sick, so it’s big deal that I spent my weekend in bed and not finishing the Bat Fit Kick Off or unpacking.
I’ll admit, I had a completely different post planned for the Grand Finale. I was going to post about the importance of seeing a medical professional to discuss your Bat Fit goals and how to make your medical professional a member of your “Health Team.” As I sat there sick in bed in a new town without a new doctor yet, I felt somewhat hypocritical. I haven’t seen my doctor since last April and I’m definitely due for blood work and a thyroid check up. However, I need to find a new PCP, ObGyn, and dentist before I do anything. Hell, I need to find a new hair stylist for cripes sake! Being sick this weekend made me realize that finding new doctors is a priority this month.
It also made me realize that I tend to ignore my body’s cries for rest and comfort. As I wrote in my Relax post, I’m awful when it comes to giving myself permission to take a break. I instantly feel guilty and look for important things to fill my downtime. I also realized that I’m absolutely atrocious at cutting myself some slack. I will admit, I felt awful that I didn’t post the Grand Finale when promised because I felt like I dropped the ball … again. I felt like I let everyone down because I was in bed instead of posting the Finale.
I do this all the time. Just recently it came to my attention that I have two emails for my new job — my “universal” email and my “department” email. I had no idea that the department email was linked to the listservs and was used to disseminate important information for the department and school. I don’t remember if I was told this and forgot, or if I was never told this. Needless to say, I missed A LOT of important emails — 349 to be exact. Instead of cutting myself some slack because I’m new faculty who taught remotely last semester, I’m beating myself up about it. I’m embarrassed and horrified, wondering if this will reflect on my overall performance. I’m blaming myself for not being more on the ball. I keep saying to myself that “I should have known …” Why in the world should I have know this is beyond me! I’m new here and I wasn’t on campus. It’s not like I could have gone into someone’s office to ask about the emails I wasn’t receiving.
This challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to cut yourself some slack. I’ll admit, this is going to be difficult for me … probably more difficult than relaxing. I’m an obsessive control freak who deals with anxiety issues — cutting myself some slack and not beating myself up for things out of my control has been almost impossible throughout my life. I claim responsibility for everything, even if I didn’t do it or if it’s out of my control. I tend to apologize for everything, even if it doesn’t warrant an apology. And I definitely cut other people more slack than I do myself. It’s time to stop beating myself up. It’s time to admit that I just didn’t know about the damned email and that I’ve been really sick. That’s all. Accept it or don’t accept it, it’s up to you. I just finished a really stressful semester teaching remotely. I packed up my whole life and moved 1600 miles to Texas. There were bumps and things didn’t always work as planned. And now I’m here in my new place organizing my classes, writing my syllabi, and trying to catch up with everything I missed in those emails. I deserve some slack.
How about you?